Screw this s*it! – Gautama Buddha

I paraphrased him a bit (OK maybe a lot) but that is what he meant when he quit the severe ascetic way of life and started teaching the Middle Way – which is exactly what it is – a middle way between sensory pleasures and severe asceticism that would eventually lead towards enlightenment.

So how to become enlightened?

Well, no amount of reading will make you enlightened unless you start practicing and doing. Practice what you might ask?

Some call it – Not giving a fuck. Others call it letting go.  Cartman called it “screw you guys I’m going home!”.

Whatever you call it, practice it.

Also, you must know the laws to adhere to in order to practice that no fuck state.  Here is a list of 13 laws that any wannabe enlightened person like you should know if… well if you want to become god damn enlightened!

It all depends on whether you do them or not. If you do, then you will be happy. If you don’t, you won’t. The laws:

  1. The Law of Harmony | Maintain balance in everything you do and do not do anything in extreme quantities. And when you do, do it with good intentions. Like eating bacon. Eat in moderate amounts and eat good bacon only (turkey bacon does not count! only pork)
  2. The Law of Karma | Learn and do harmonious acts. This is the only way to resolve your Karma. You must learn which bacon is good and which is not good.
  3. The Law of Wisdom | Sometimes life will give you bad bacon. How you react upon tasting this bacon? If you react with love and say ” this bacon is so bad i love it so much!” then you have learned that only through love can you attain wisdom.
  4. The Law of Free Will | You choose how to prepare and eat your bacon.
  5. The Law of Manifestation | If you are unhappy with the way the bacon tastes, then you have the power to change this. Say to yourself “i deserve better bacon” and go and buy better bacon.
  6. The Law of Conscious Detachment | Buddha’s earthly teachings are best summarized with one of his statements, “It is your resistance to what is that causes your suffering.” and by suffering, he meant everything that doesn’t work in your life. So accept the bacon as it is and eat it.
  7. The Law of Gratitude | Be thankful for the bacon you receive every day.
  8. The Law of Attraction | If you are negative, you draw in and experience bad bacon. If you are loving, you draw in and experience good bacon.
  9. The Law of Unconditional Love | Love your bacon unconditionally.
  10. The Law of Abundance |  You have all the bacon in the world.
  11. The Law of Action | Eat the bacon. Don’t think about it.
  12. The Law of Cause and Effect | The bacon in front of you is there because of a reason.
  13. LAW OF MENTALISM | All is bacon.

To conclude, i will leave you with a simple quote by me. It came to me yesterday while I was drinking a beer.

To know where you have to go, you must go where you should not go.




P.S. Want some more enlightenment stuff? Visit the struggling Buddha and read on.

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