Pitching Lessons: I Can’t Sell You This Pen… But

A dialogue between two friends.

Ace: Ok so try and sell me this pen.

Bob: Haha you’ve watched the Wolf of Wall Street didn’t you?

Ace: Yep and I think it’s a brilliant tactic to use. Although I’m certain that it’s probably the hardest one.

B: How so?

Ace: Well it requires you to make up a need in that particular moment for an object that is seemingly very common and of not so high value. You have to be really, really good at sales and pitching to make up a killer story and spark a need in your target.

B: Ok seems fair enough. Let me see.

Bob start analyzing the pen with seemingly great enthusiasm, shuffles it between his two hands inspecting every inch. After a few moments he lowers his eyes, nods his head as if trying to say this is not possible and just puts the pen in his pocket.

Ace: What?

Bob: Actually, I can’t sell you this pen.

Ace: What? Why not?

Bob: Because I gave a promise to someone very dear to me that I’ll never do something like that. Ever.

Ace makes a face as if not believing what he heard.

Ace: Who?

Bob: My father who unfortunately isn’t with us anymore.

Ace: Sorry about that.

Bob: No worries. Before he passed away he called me and told me “ Son, I’m about to give you something that has helped me, your grand father and his father before that, convert every meeting and pitch into a sale. It has helped us build a multi million dollar empire. It has always, without exception, helped us close every single deal we’ve had. It has helped us maintain long lasting relationships with our clients. And now I’m giving it to you so that it can do the same for you. But you must remember, you can never sell this pen because it’s not for sale. If you do, your carreer will evaporate.” Then he gave me the pen and few moments later passed.

Ace: Damn . I don’t know what to say…

Bob: No need to say anything. So that’s why I can’t sell you this pen and I hope you understand.

Ace: Damn it man, I mean I understand but now I REALLY WANT THAT PEN.

Bob: Yeah well… although I can do something else.

Ace: What’s that? Please tell me!

Bob: Well we’ve been friends since birth. I consider you as my brother who would do anything anywhere for me. My blood. We’ve done crazy stuff together, built businesses from bottom to top, been for each other in good and bad. And I respect you and love you for that.

Ace: Fuck yeah bro!

Ace and Bob do a bro hug.

Bob: So while I can’t sell you this pen… What I can do is just give it to you. Just like my dad gave it to me.

Bob passes the pen to Ace and smiles. Ace takes the pen in awe and raises his eyebrows, amazed by Bob’s performance.

Ace takes out a piece of paper.

Ace: You know how much I want to write stuff right? Well I want to write something for you that I want you to keep it as a memory of this moment, because what you said really meant a-lot to me.

Then he starts writing but it seems there’s no ink.

Ace: Huh weird it seems to be empty. Shit what now?

Bob: Yeah well the pen is actually made in a way where it would only work with one type of ink. A special kind that you can’t buy in a store.

Ace: Ok so where do I find this ink?

Bob: My dad’s company, which I inherited, produces it.

Ace: And I’d assume this is the only company in the world that produces this ink?

Bob: Correct. Since we’re close and I feel you as a brother, I can give you a special discount and from the regular price of 1500$ for 5 cartridges I can go down to a 1000$. That’s only if you commit right now, here and for a whole year.

Ace nods his head in disbelief and smiles at the same time.

Ace: That was brilliant dude.

Bob: Yep. Sign here and I’ll call the distributor to get you the first batch in 5 minutes. I know you have a sales meeting in an hour so you’ll need it. But I’d understand if you don’t want. Not everyone is ready for the riches it will provide.


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